I Could Run for Senate
(Fuck Caroline Kennedy)

What's all this talk about annointing Caroline Kennedy as our next senator for New York?
Fuck Caroline Kennedy.
New York needs a New Yorker to represent us on Capital Hill, not another carpetbagger.
The only reason I allowed Hillary to nest in the Big Apple was her respect for Family Business protocol-
That and she promised to keep Bill out of White Harlem.
You never want too many roosters in the hen house.
But now that the Clinton mafioso is headed back to Washington, we're hearing names like Kennedy and Cuomo thrown around.
What about me?
I've live here in Manhattan my entire life.
Much like the inspirational President Elect Obama, I, too, am a community organizer.
That means that I'm not only familiar with the local players, but I also know how to keep them in line.
People may doubt my credentials for politics, but I know how to raise money and I've never crumbled in the face of adversity.
Seriously- do you think some Republican candidate is going to come along in 2010 and beat me in a debate?
Not if he wants to fall asleep in my state, he won't.
Do you think Caroline Kennedy's threats carry that much weight?
Now I know Governor David Paterson is under a lot of scrutiny because of that fuckface Rod Blogojevich trying to sell the Illinois senate seat.
That's what happens when amatuers try to "play gangsta."
What's the matter, Rod? No one told you about bugs and phone taps that have been around for fifty years?
Wasn't that in your constant loop of "Goodfellas"?
You make the system look bad, Rod. Your New York privilages are cut off.
But Illinois hoodrats aside, Governor Paterson would be remiss to discredit me off-handedly.
After all, people may think decisions like this are based on what the candidate can do for the governor in the future.
I think it'll boil down to not disappointing those who have done him favors in the past.
Know what I mean, Davey-boy?

• Let's Take Friday Off
• Ernie's Bagel Shop Robbed